Deployed again....
But this time I am on a Navy ship in a foreign place.
The good things about the ship are the gym, the hot showers, the clean room, my TV, my internet access and my roommate.
The bad...where do I start? Well, the bad parts are the food, the constant loud noises, the fact that you are never alone, 14 hour workdays, no days off, micromanagement, my command, no WIFI, limited telephone access, and many, many, more.
Why do I do this?
Every year that rolls around I re-think my decision to stay in the Marine Corps. I don't love what I do but there are times when I like what I do. Not for the last two years...but hopefully that will change when I change duty stations in a few months. No, I don't do it because I love it; I do it because I can retire when my children are still young and I will only have to work if I choose to. I do it because I make a lot of money (by my standards) and I couldn't do much better if I changed jobs. I do it because the economy is very unstable and even if I got a dream job, you never know if it is going to last more than a short time. Most people don't plan to get laid off and I don't want to take that chance.
I look forward to the day that I do retire. I have 6 years and one month until that day and I am so excited to know that when I am 40 years old I will no longer have to work unless I choose to. I can take my children to school and go on field trips. I can take them to sporting events and be a team mom. I can go out of town anytime I choose. I will be able to choose where we live and not ever have to move again unless we decide to. I can spend my days laying by the pool if I have nothing else that I want to do more. I can't wait to be free. The most important and exciting part of retirement is this; I will never ever have to leave my babies for a deployment again.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Mornings With My Baby Boy
While my life is normally spinning out of control there are rare occasions of peacefulness with my children. I love them always but sometimes I just want to get away. I get so tired of screaming and fighting, time outs and taking toys.
Today, however was different. My youngest son woke up early and came downstairs to sit with me. He sat in my lap and was a perfect angel. We looked at our Christmas tree and our stockings that we put up yesterday. We shared a cup of coffee and just hung out.
It's times like these that I want to remember and that make me the saddest when I think about them growing up. I am going to miss my baby boys even if I may welcome the peace and quiet for a moment or two:)
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Life is a Treasure Hunt
I remember being able to explore the woods when I was little. Maybe not to the extent others do, but I did explore nontheless. We built forts and we played in the dirt...usually without shoes. These are the kinds of memories that are the easiest to recall when I think about the past.
I remember being able to run to my granny and bebo's house all by myself. I remember going to the camp and fishing on the floating dock. I remember going to the treehouse (which was really a hunting stand with a heater and recliner) and playing for hours with my brother and my cousins Kristin, Dallas, and Jarrad...sorry Lacy, you were too little. We were explorers and were usually on the same team fighting bad guys and finding treasures. We knew each other well and enjoyed each others company.
It makes me sad to know that my darling little boys will not have the same experiences that I did. They do know some of their family members and a few cousins but they never see them. They know who their aunts and uncles are...some of them. They ask about their family but we rarely get to see them. I realize that when I was growing up, my entire family shaped who I am now. They all taught me things.
My Aunt Sandy taught me how to be a smart-ass and that sarcasm is almost always appropriate. If someone has a hard time with that...well...maybe they should stay clear of me. She taught me to be brassy and bold and self confident. She also taught me to never be afraid to change my hair color or style...sometimes drastically.
Aunt Linda and Uncle Dave taught me patience and understanding. You see, I have never seen my Aunt Linda be anything other than nice to anyone...ever. Even if she was mad, she was still one of the nicest people that will ever exist on the face of this earth.
My Granny taught me how to be self reliant. I learned to go after what I wanted, but not to expect anything unless I am willing to put forth the effort. I learned that laziness and a lacsadaisical attitude will get me nowhere.
My parents....well, I will save them for another day. They deserve a post of their own.
I guess the bottome line is that I am saddened that my boys don't have a granny to hug whenever they want. They don't have an Aunt Sandy or an Aunt Linda that they can see on a regular basis. They want those things too, even though they are very young. They ask about the family members that they know and they don't understand why we can't go visit them right now. They miss their Grana, Michelle, Ma-kee-na (Logan's words), Cici, Uncle Teefy and the rest of the crew.
They want to go exploring in the woods with friends and family. They want to find treasure and hunt bad guys. The best that I can do is let them play in the shrubs at the end of my cul-de-sac. They don't know any difference at this point but I am hopefull that one day, they will know the love filled life of adventure that I did when I was little. Hopefully it's not so late in thier childhood that they lose interest in playing in the woods and searching for treasure. I look forward to them getting into trouble with thier cousins and having aunts and uncles to complain to when mama and daddy are being unreasonable.
One day...one day.
I remember being able to run to my granny and bebo's house all by myself. I remember going to the camp and fishing on the floating dock. I remember going to the treehouse (which was really a hunting stand with a heater and recliner) and playing for hours with my brother and my cousins Kristin, Dallas, and Jarrad...sorry Lacy, you were too little. We were explorers and were usually on the same team fighting bad guys and finding treasures. We knew each other well and enjoyed each others company.
It makes me sad to know that my darling little boys will not have the same experiences that I did. They do know some of their family members and a few cousins but they never see them. They know who their aunts and uncles are...some of them. They ask about their family but we rarely get to see them. I realize that when I was growing up, my entire family shaped who I am now. They all taught me things.
My Aunt Sandy taught me how to be a smart-ass and that sarcasm is almost always appropriate. If someone has a hard time with that...well...maybe they should stay clear of me. She taught me to be brassy and bold and self confident. She also taught me to never be afraid to change my hair color or style...sometimes drastically.
Aunt Linda and Uncle Dave taught me patience and understanding. You see, I have never seen my Aunt Linda be anything other than nice to anyone...ever. Even if she was mad, she was still one of the nicest people that will ever exist on the face of this earth.
My Granny taught me how to be self reliant. I learned to go after what I wanted, but not to expect anything unless I am willing to put forth the effort. I learned that laziness and a lacsadaisical attitude will get me nowhere.
My parents....well, I will save them for another day. They deserve a post of their own.
I guess the bottome line is that I am saddened that my boys don't have a granny to hug whenever they want. They don't have an Aunt Sandy or an Aunt Linda that they can see on a regular basis. They want those things too, even though they are very young. They ask about the family members that they know and they don't understand why we can't go visit them right now. They miss their Grana, Michelle, Ma-kee-na (Logan's words), Cici, Uncle Teefy and the rest of the crew.
They want to go exploring in the woods with friends and family. They want to find treasure and hunt bad guys. The best that I can do is let them play in the shrubs at the end of my cul-de-sac. They don't know any difference at this point but I am hopefull that one day, they will know the love filled life of adventure that I did when I was little. Hopefully it's not so late in thier childhood that they lose interest in playing in the woods and searching for treasure. I look forward to them getting into trouble with thier cousins and having aunts and uncles to complain to when mama and daddy are being unreasonable.
One day...one day.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
My Favorite Season
I love fall.
I love the crispness of the air and the cool mornings. I love it when the leaves change color and you can hear the rustle of the wind in the trees. I love pumpkin pancakes and pumpkin lattes. Spice scented candles and hot apple cider. More than anything, I love the peacefulness of this wonderful season.
Today feels like the first day of fall. I feel the desire to start decorating my house for the upcoming holiday season that is to come. For some reason my husband thinks that September is too early for Christmas decorations...but what does he know???
Peaceful, wonderful, fall.
I would love to sit here all morning in the quiet. I have a full cup of my french vanilla Folgers with Creme Brulee creamer...life is good. I sure do wish that my mama and sister were here to enjoy this wonderful day. We do love drinking coffee together in the mornings. 7 more years and I will be able to move closer to them so that we can do this together often.
What is that I hear??? Is that the sound of feet coming down the stairs? My 2 year old boy, who is a whirlwind of excited energy, has decided to join me. I wonder if he would go back to bed if I hide in the closet and pretend that I am not awake. Maybe he will get in bed with his daddy and sleep a little longer.
My peaceful morning is now just a memory. Maybe I will wake up a little earlier tomorrow...
I love the crispness of the air and the cool mornings. I love it when the leaves change color and you can hear the rustle of the wind in the trees. I love pumpkin pancakes and pumpkin lattes. Spice scented candles and hot apple cider. More than anything, I love the peacefulness of this wonderful season.
Today feels like the first day of fall. I feel the desire to start decorating my house for the upcoming holiday season that is to come. For some reason my husband thinks that September is too early for Christmas decorations...but what does he know???
Peaceful, wonderful, fall.
I would love to sit here all morning in the quiet. I have a full cup of my french vanilla Folgers with Creme Brulee creamer...life is good. I sure do wish that my mama and sister were here to enjoy this wonderful day. We do love drinking coffee together in the mornings. 7 more years and I will be able to move closer to them so that we can do this together often.
What is that I hear??? Is that the sound of feet coming down the stairs? My 2 year old boy, who is a whirlwind of excited energy, has decided to join me. I wonder if he would go back to bed if I hide in the closet and pretend that I am not awake. Maybe he will get in bed with his daddy and sleep a little longer.
My peaceful morning is now just a memory. Maybe I will wake up a little earlier tomorrow...
Friday, May 15, 2009
As I leave my office in Baghdad, Iraq, I am saddened by my surroundings. Not because of the hardships that I endure, because other than missing my family, things aren't so bad. I am saddened by my compassion for the Iraqis and any other country or culture that has to endure such devastation in order to gain freedom. I will never see combat in the way that many of my peers have seen combat. I will probably never have to shoot at anyone and likely never have to really fear for my life. There is always the chance that the area that I am located in will get hit by direct or indirect fire but chances are, I will never have to worry about that.
I recently went "outside the wire" on a trip to another area in Iraq. I traveled via a convoy on this occasion because the weather was not favorable for a helicopter, which is my normal mode of travel. During this trip I was acutely aware of my surroundings and couldn't help but notice the utter devastation and destruction of the town that we traveled through. Buildings that had been bombed and were falling down. Children running and playing in what can only be described as rubble and trash. Windows broken or missing were the norm. It was such a sad sight that I could only stare in wonder and think about the people that once called this place home. The collection of Army bases that occupy a portion of Baghdad is the size of a city. What happened to the people that once lived here? Where are they now?
It's very easy to label outsiders as bad and justify whatever we do for the sake of democracy...and I do believe in democracy. However, it is important for everyone to understand that democracy as we know it, is a very new concept. The United States of America is a very young society and we enjoy a life that others don't really understand and often don't want. The many countries and kingdoms in the middle east are very old societies that have existed for thousands of years. They have a way of life that we don't understand and can't imagine having to live. According to our standards, the women are treated poorly and the children often aren't educated. We often forget that this is normal to them in many cases. They still love their children and lead happy lives. Why do they often hate Americans? Well, let me answer a question with a question. If a country invaded your streets and homes, regardless of whether or not they had good intentions, would you welcome them with open arms...or would you want your life back?
I am very proud to say that I am an American. I am so lucky to have been born in such a culture that allows me to have freedom to do as I wish and to chase my dreams. Even as I sit in my room I am appreciative of all of the comforts that I am provided because I am an American. I don't have to worry about where I am going to sleep or if I am going to eat. I have access to phones and have Internet in my room. I send and receive mail. I can go shopping or watch movies if I choose. As I enjoy my comforts, it is always in the back of my mind that only a few hundred meters away, on the other side of the wall, there are children playing in piles of rubble, and mothers that wonder whether or not there will be food to feed them later. We should never lose sight of what we have and always appreciate the good things in our lives. We should be very careful when we judge others and even if we don't agree with them, be willing and able to see things from their perspective. It will only make us stronger and better able to defend our positions...or maybe understand why we should, in some situations, just let go.
I recently went "outside the wire" on a trip to another area in Iraq. I traveled via a convoy on this occasion because the weather was not favorable for a helicopter, which is my normal mode of travel. During this trip I was acutely aware of my surroundings and couldn't help but notice the utter devastation and destruction of the town that we traveled through. Buildings that had been bombed and were falling down. Children running and playing in what can only be described as rubble and trash. Windows broken or missing were the norm. It was such a sad sight that I could only stare in wonder and think about the people that once called this place home. The collection of Army bases that occupy a portion of Baghdad is the size of a city. What happened to the people that once lived here? Where are they now?
It's very easy to label outsiders as bad and justify whatever we do for the sake of democracy...and I do believe in democracy. However, it is important for everyone to understand that democracy as we know it, is a very new concept. The United States of America is a very young society and we enjoy a life that others don't really understand and often don't want. The many countries and kingdoms in the middle east are very old societies that have existed for thousands of years. They have a way of life that we don't understand and can't imagine having to live. According to our standards, the women are treated poorly and the children often aren't educated. We often forget that this is normal to them in many cases. They still love their children and lead happy lives. Why do they often hate Americans? Well, let me answer a question with a question. If a country invaded your streets and homes, regardless of whether or not they had good intentions, would you welcome them with open arms...or would you want your life back?
I am very proud to say that I am an American. I am so lucky to have been born in such a culture that allows me to have freedom to do as I wish and to chase my dreams. Even as I sit in my room I am appreciative of all of the comforts that I am provided because I am an American. I don't have to worry about where I am going to sleep or if I am going to eat. I have access to phones and have Internet in my room. I send and receive mail. I can go shopping or watch movies if I choose. As I enjoy my comforts, it is always in the back of my mind that only a few hundred meters away, on the other side of the wall, there are children playing in piles of rubble, and mothers that wonder whether or not there will be food to feed them later. We should never lose sight of what we have and always appreciate the good things in our lives. We should be very careful when we judge others and even if we don't agree with them, be willing and able to see things from their perspective. It will only make us stronger and better able to defend our positions...or maybe understand why we should, in some situations, just let go.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
The Smell of Coffee
As I sit here at Camp As Sayliyah, in the very hot country of Qatar, I think of one very simple thing that has been constant throughout my life, no matter where my travels have taken me.
The smell of coffee. It has an amazing calming effect on me and I have to sit and ponder why. I think that it represents a little bit of normalcy in a life that most wouldn't consider normal. I am in a foriegn land away from my family, and yet, the smell of coffee first thing in the morning is exactly the same. I yearn for my home, my kitchen table at 6:15am, which (in my other life) is when I would sit in the kitchen and drink my coffee and check my emails. I get up a little earlier than I have to, just so that I can enjoy my ritual in peace. Well, it doesn't exactly work that way all the time. When you have two toddlers in your home, chances are that someone is going to interrupt my morning with a request like "Mama hold me", "Pauly coffee?(I convince my 2 year old that hot chocolate is his coffee so he doesn't try to take mine)", or sometimes the request is simply "Spongebob Squarepants". Though I love to hold my little boys and love that they want to share the morning with me...sometimes I really hope for the "Spongebob Squarepants" request. Then I can go back to my coffee and my peace...even if only for a moment.
I can't ever remember not smelling coffee in the morning. When I lived with my mama and stepfather, there was always coffee in the coffee pot. When I joined the Marine Corps the smell was always there. Visiting my dad and stepmom in Panama City Beach, Fl, I get the same feeling of calm when I smell this magical drink. In the last 11 years, I have lived in more places than I care to remember and I have come to realize that the simple things, such as the smell of coffe, can make a house feel like a home. Even when I am in Iraq, a country devastated and completely torn apart by war, the smell of coffee reminds me of home. I can smile and relax, thinking of happy times and comfort. I think not only the past, but of the future as well. Soon, I will be drinking my coffee at home again, at 6:15 in the morning, enjoying my family and my everyday life yet again.
The smell of coffee. It has an amazing calming effect on me and I have to sit and ponder why. I think that it represents a little bit of normalcy in a life that most wouldn't consider normal. I am in a foriegn land away from my family, and yet, the smell of coffee first thing in the morning is exactly the same. I yearn for my home, my kitchen table at 6:15am, which (in my other life) is when I would sit in the kitchen and drink my coffee and check my emails. I get up a little earlier than I have to, just so that I can enjoy my ritual in peace. Well, it doesn't exactly work that way all the time. When you have two toddlers in your home, chances are that someone is going to interrupt my morning with a request like "Mama hold me", "Pauly coffee?(I convince my 2 year old that hot chocolate is his coffee so he doesn't try to take mine)", or sometimes the request is simply "Spongebob Squarepants". Though I love to hold my little boys and love that they want to share the morning with me...sometimes I really hope for the "Spongebob Squarepants" request. Then I can go back to my coffee and my peace...even if only for a moment.
I can't ever remember not smelling coffee in the morning. When I lived with my mama and stepfather, there was always coffee in the coffee pot. When I joined the Marine Corps the smell was always there. Visiting my dad and stepmom in Panama City Beach, Fl, I get the same feeling of calm when I smell this magical drink. In the last 11 years, I have lived in more places than I care to remember and I have come to realize that the simple things, such as the smell of coffe, can make a house feel like a home. Even when I am in Iraq, a country devastated and completely torn apart by war, the smell of coffee reminds me of home. I can smile and relax, thinking of happy times and comfort. I think not only the past, but of the future as well. Soon, I will be drinking my coffee at home again, at 6:15 in the morning, enjoying my family and my everyday life yet again.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Introduction
Today is the first day of the rest of my life! I believe that I have heard that somewhere before and I thought today would be an appropriate time to use that phrase.
I am an active duty U.S. Marine that is currently forward deployed. My husband is in the Navy (and also deployed). We have 2 little boys together, ages 15 months and 2 years old. I also have 2 stepsons that are 13 and 8. We usually reside in Lemon Grove, CA...though it's getting a little harder to remember what my house looks like. I think that my husband left my car at my house, where my nanny is temporarily staying while we are gone, but I can't really be sure. I guess I should ask her if it's there.
I am interested in many things and will probably write about them as I get time. I am pretty knowledgeable about family, children, CHILDBIRTH, fitness, arts and crafts, travel, the war(s), the military, women's issues, sports, Arabic flies, and many, many other topics. I have recently become much more interested in politics than ever before. Common sense is something that belongs in government but is rarely present. This will probably be mentioned in most of my posts.
Some random things about me...
I have very little will power. I hate to diet. I love to spend money...though I don't love to shop in the traditional sense. I am very impulsive. I am usually too honest. I love my kids. I have many unfinished projects. I love "hands on" work. I am probably overpaid. I am often underestimated at first. I love my family and my friends. I don't like the effort that it often takes to meet new people. I change my hair all the time. I wear a size 12 but would really love to be a size 10. I am an extrovert and I thrive off of the people around me. If I am alone for too long I might just go a little crazy. I am a little crazy anyway. Funny things happen to me all the time. I read the news multiple times a day. I love to read novels and write in first person. I win almost every argument that I take part in. I know everything.
This is going to be fun, I can feel it!
I am an active duty U.S. Marine that is currently forward deployed. My husband is in the Navy (and also deployed). We have 2 little boys together, ages 15 months and 2 years old. I also have 2 stepsons that are 13 and 8. We usually reside in Lemon Grove, CA...though it's getting a little harder to remember what my house looks like. I think that my husband left my car at my house, where my nanny is temporarily staying while we are gone, but I can't really be sure. I guess I should ask her if it's there.
I am interested in many things and will probably write about them as I get time. I am pretty knowledgeable about family, children, CHILDBIRTH, fitness, arts and crafts, travel, the war(s), the military, women's issues, sports, Arabic flies, and many, many other topics. I have recently become much more interested in politics than ever before. Common sense is something that belongs in government but is rarely present. This will probably be mentioned in most of my posts.
Some random things about me...
I have very little will power. I hate to diet. I love to spend money...though I don't love to shop in the traditional sense. I am very impulsive. I am usually too honest. I love my kids. I have many unfinished projects. I love "hands on" work. I am probably overpaid. I am often underestimated at first. I love my family and my friends. I don't like the effort that it often takes to meet new people. I change my hair all the time. I wear a size 12 but would really love to be a size 10. I am an extrovert and I thrive off of the people around me. If I am alone for too long I might just go a little crazy. I am a little crazy anyway. Funny things happen to me all the time. I read the news multiple times a day. I love to read novels and write in first person. I win almost every argument that I take part in. I know everything.
This is going to be fun, I can feel it!
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